The moment i realized that caring too much only brings pain was the moment i started pretending that i dont care. So i learned to stay quiet, to act like nothing matters and to hide what i truly feel.

Some people tak berpuas hati dengan diri aku, sebab mereka menuduh aku “ KAU NI SIAL AH, KEJAM SIAK KAU, KAU FIKIR DIRI KAU JE, KAU TAK PERNAH KISAH PASAL ORANG SEKELILING KAU!!” But the truth is, from a distance i still look, i still wonder and i still care more than i should. Even when i try to  “ Ahhh, Lantak la apa nak jadi, bukan ada kene mengena dengan diri aku pun.” Ada part of my heart is still holding on. 

The reason i pretend is because people know how deeply i love. When i care about someone, i love with no boundaries. Whether it’s friend or a lover. They know i have lot of love to give. Maybe because of that, many people have taken advantage of me.

That’s why im always end up feeling let down and disappointed. I get hurt easily, not because i am weak, but because i give my heart sincerely, while others dont always do the same. 

Tapi, dengan berpura-pura tidak mengambil berat bukan sebab aku tawar hati tapi its the only way to menjaga hati atau berjaga-jaga supaya tidak terlalu meluahkan atau terjatuh atau tersayang lebih dalam (loved too deeply, too sincerely).